The World Goes On As I Stand Here Stuck
by catherine.cat33
Summary: Clare and Eli have been dating for a year, and everything is going great, until she realizes she's pregnant. Story will follow their journey through countless troubles and obstacles.
1. Can it Really Be?

**Author's Note:** This is Catherine and Cat here, and if you opened this browser you are reading our FIRST fan fiction. Enjoy!

**Disclamer:** We do not own Degrassi, and of its characters, nor do we own the pregnancy tests listed.

**Title:** "The World Goes On As I Stand Here Stuck"

Chapter 1:

_Clare's Point of View:_

My stomach hurts. I feel nauseous. The gentle breeze coming in from the window eases my nausea a bit, but I think I may vomit. The clock reads three forty, and Adam should be here soon. Today is going to be us hanging out, no mention of Eli, or school, or anything else. He's been a feeling left out since Eli and I started dating last year, and although we've tried our best to make him feel better, I think that hanging out with him, just him and me, no Eli, will be best. I run into my bathroom and sit on the floor. My head's spinning, and my stomach is doing flips. I vomit into the toilet as I hear the front door open. Footsteps climb up the stairs, and enter in my room. I wash my hands, flush the toilet, and brush my teeth before emerging to find Adam sitting on my bed.

"Hey." I say, still a bit wobbly from my nausea. He smiles at me. I take in his look, his usual beanie on top of his head, a plaid button down shirt, and a pair of jeans. He doesn't really look like a girl to me. Not anymore at least.

"You know your front door was open right?" he asks.

"Yeah, my parents forgot to lock it." I reply. Adam stares at me quizzically before he speaks again.

"Clare, you don't look so good." he says.

"Thanks Adam, don't beat around the bush!" I exclaim, knowing full well I may have to tell him something I haven't told anyone.

"Sorry, it's just, you're pale. Is everything okay?" he asks.

I take in a deep breath. "Adam, I…I don't know how to say this…" I stare at the perky pink bunny rabbit sitting on my bed.

"What's wrong Clare, you know I'm there for you." I see the genuine concern in his eyes.

"I haven't been feeling well lately. I've been puking…a lot. I'm hungry all the time. Im always tired…" I pause, shakily suck in a breath, and whisper, "Adam, I'm a week late."

He looks at me strangely and then says "A week late for what?"

I can't believe I have to explain this to him. "Adam," I say, louder now, "I'm a week late!"

"I understand that you're late, Clare, but late for what?"

"Adam, I know you're a guy in the head, but you still have a girl's body and have to deal with, you know, female problems…"

"Oh! A week late. A week late! Clare, you don't think…no, you didn't…with Eli?"

My eyes wander back to that mocking pink bunny.

"Oh my gosh, Clare, you did."

"We used a condom!" I shout at him.

"Those aren't always a hundred percent effective, Clare. Didn't you pay attention in health class? The condom could have been defecto." He says.

"Adam, don't tell me that I was stupid! I know! I know!" I snap.

"Woah, Clare don't get all hormoney on me. I'm just trying to help. As I said, I'm there for you."

Then I can't help but start to cry. And cry. We stand there awkwardly. Me with my hands covering my face and those stupid tears sliding down my cheeks and Adam, with his hands in his pockets staring at the ground. When my sobs are subdued to blubbers Adam looks up at me.

"We don't know if you're pregnant yet. I'll call Drew and he'll drive us to the pharmacy and you can, you know…pee on the stick."

"Thank you." I whisper looking at him through blurry eyes.

Adam takes his phone out of his pocket, dials the number and holds the phone to his ear. "Drew, can you pick me and Clare up…yeah I am at Clare's…I know you just left here ten minutes ago…I don't care if you have plans with Marisol….this is important…thank bro I owe you…we need to go to the pharmacy because Clare…"

My blubbering stops suddenly and I make frantic motions with my hands not wanting Drew to hear me. Adam obviously gets my message.

"…has to buy feminine hygiene products." He hangs up the phone abruptly

I give Adam a look.

"What? It's the first thing that popped into my head. And guys don't question things when it comes to female problems, as you previously phrased it. Trust me."

Adam and I talk for the next fifteen minutes. We talk about school and the English project that is due next Monday. We talk about how Adam had caught Drew going at it with _another_ girl and how my parents haven't had a big fight for days now. We talk about everything but the elephant in the room, or more accurately the fetus that could or could not be growing inside of me.

"ADAM! CLARE!" Drew yells from the bottom of the staircase.

"Did you hear him come in?" I ask Adam. He shakes his head. Adam walks down the stair case a few minutes before I do, giving me enough time to collect myself. I grab my black converse sneakers and my small blue purse. I walk down the stairs. Drew greets me with a smile. He and Adam start for the car. I close the door after me.

"Don't forget to…"

I cut Adam off. "Already locked the door." I say as I hop into Drew's green pick-up truck.

After we start to drive Drew's big mouth gets me to remember why Alli hates him even to this day. "Don't girls, like, keep enough feminine items so this never happens? That their best friend's big bro has to miss out on a date with the second hottest girl in the school!"

"Shut up Drew!" Adam says.

"Aren't you bleeding…like right now?"

"DREW!" Adam exclaims at the visual.

"Just don't get blood on my seats I just had them cleaned." he says.

"Don't worry." I say as I stare out the window in a daze watching the trees and buildings that we pass.

"We're here." Drew says ten minutes later. Adam and I thank him and go into the pharmacy.

"Where do we look?" Adam asks.

"You've never been in a pharmacy before?" I ask.

"Not this one." he responds.

"They're all basically the same." I reply as I start off for the section with tampons and pads. I play with my hair and let my gaze trail the aisle as I continue to breathe deeply listening to the soft music being played over the loud speakers. I feel as though my heart is beating so fast that Adam, who is a few paces behind me, can even hear it. I finally reach the section where the pregnancy tests are and close my eyes wishing for this moment to go away. For it to all be a dream. For Eli and I to never have done what we did. I wish I was at home, safely wrapped in my warm blanket holding onto that damn pink bunny my dad got for me when I was three. Adam stops at my side and puts his arm around me. I turn to him, seeing the protectiveness and the fear he is holding onto.

"Clear Blue, First Response, E.P.T. which one do we choose?" Adam asks.

"The first one I touch." I close my eyes, and begin to say ennie mennie mineie mo softly to myself. When I finish I open my eyes. "First Response it is." I grab the test and walk with Adam to the front. I hand the clerk the pregnancy test. I receive a look of disgust from the woman behind the counter as she rings up the test.

"Sixteen dollars." she says.

I pay and grab the test. "Thanks." I say as I exit the store.

"Was I the only one who saw her look at us funny?" Adam asks before we get into Drew's truck.

"She did look at us weird." I conclude as we get back into the car.

"Who looked at you weird?" Drew asks. Adam and I turn to him, as if we were little kids caught stealing a cookie.

"The clerk." Adam says.

"What, she doesn't see people buy feminine hygiene products?"

"Not often I'm guessing." I say as I start to breathe normally again.

The rest of the car ride is silent, aside from the usual comments from Drew that Marisol will hate him for doing this to her. I roll my eyes and look out the window. Drew pulls into my driveway and when Adam and I get out he speeds off. We make our way into my house.

"Well," I say when we get to my room, "Might as well get it over with."

"Your throne awaits," Adam says making a grand gesture towards the bathroom.

I close my eyes, breathe, and step into the bathroom. The world seems silent but for the sound the door makes when I close it. The tiles are cold against my feet which are covered in thin blue socks. I lean my back against the closed door and open the package removing the stick. I pee and place the stick on the edge of the sink gingerly, like it may suddenly turn into a rabid animal. I fall to the tile-covered ground, tucking my knees under my chin. The room looks threateningly white. I wait for a few moments, like that, hugging myself and rocking before standing up to look at the pregnancy test. The screen is still blank. I poke my head out the door.

"Adam," I say and see that he's sitting on my bed with my old tattered copy of _Gone With the Wind_ in his hands. "Can you pass me my bunny?"

He looks at my quizzically but complies, tossing the pink rabbit to me from across the room.

I catch him with both hands. "Thanks." I say and close the door once again.

With the rabbit in my hands I take the single stride to the white sink. I look down and stare. I see the little symbol, the same color as the bunny that I cling to. Plus. Positive. Pregnant. I handle the test with the same care as I had before, holding it in my one hand and the pink bunny in the other as I walk out of the bathroom.

"Well?" Adam says, placing the book next to him.

I don't speak. I merely hand him the test and sink to the floor.

"You're pregnant." He states simply.

I look up at him. For the count of seven heartbeats all is silent.

"What are you going to do?"

I say nothing.

"You could get an abortion, there's adoption, or you could just keep it. It's your choice, Clare."

Still, nothing.

"But you have to tell Eli. It's his kid too."

That word. _Kid. _There is a kid inside of me; A small person, a being that is completely dependent on me. I hug the bunny closer to me as silent tears begin to fall down my face.

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	2. To Tell Or Not To Tell?

**Author's Note:** Thanks for the reviews people! This means a lot to us that you guys liked our story...so here's chapter two...we plan on updating when we can, so like maybe once a day...but it depends on reviews, and if we have chapters written :) As of now we have two other chapters than this written and we're just going to wait before we post them because we don't wanna post them ALL at once...we want to keep you guys reading and interested! so please read this update, and FYI reviews are loving and helpful!

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_Chapter 2: To Tell Or Not To Tell_

I bury my face into the bunny not wanting to face Adam nor the phone he holds out to me.

"Clare, you have to." He says. I look up from the tear stained bunny and glare at Adam.

"I get it, you're hormoney. But, face the situation, Clare, you have to tell him at sometime. Might as well be now rather than when you're in labor!"

I sigh. He does make a good point. I take the phone from his hands and dial Eli's cell phone number. He picks up within seconds of the first ring.

"What's up blue?" his voice echoes over to me.

I breathe deeply.

"You there blue?" he asks.

"Hey Eli, could you come over here?" I notice the shakiness in my voice as I speak.

"I thought you couldn't hang out with me because you were hanging with Adam." he says.

"I…I was…I still am, but I need to see you. It's important." I say.

"Give me ten minutes." he hung up the phone. I listen to the dial tone a few moments before I hang up myself. Adam looks at me.

"You're doing the right thing Clare." he says.

"Sure." I roll my eyes. I look down, and the button black eyes of my pink bunny are staring back at my blue eyes. I can't help but think about all the what if's. For instance, what if I have a miscarriage? What if my parents, the most Christian people I know, suggest they want me to get an abortion? What if Eli wants to put the baby up for adoption?

"He's here." Adam says. For sure a hearse pulls into my driveway. Adam and I walk down the stairs to greet Eli as he walks into my, once again, unlocked house.

"Hey Adam, Blue." Eli's signature smirk is on his face.

"I think I'll go home now. Leave you two to talk." I grab Adam's arm and plead with my eyes for him to stay, but his own eyes assure me I'll be fine. He smiles and leaves.

"What did you want to talk about?" Eli asks. I turn my gaze to the ceiling fan whipping around, and moving papers on the coffee table. It reminds me of a tornado. Like my life. I take in a deep breath and walk down the stairs gripping onto the guardrail as if my life depends on it. When I get to where Eli stands he kisses my cheek.

"Eli, I think you should sit down." I say with my eyes closed not wanting to see his questioning look. But he obeys me and sits on the couch. I stand on the other side of the room trying to muster up the courage to tell him. My breathing rate increases. My heart is beating rapidly.

"You okay there blue?" he asks, genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine." I breathe in.

"You sure?" he asks.

"No, no I'm not Eli. You want the truth?" I exclaim, my moods swinging at a violent pace making me feel like they'll hit me in the head.

"The truth is good." Eli smirks.

"Fine. Elijah Goldsworthy…the truth is…" somewhere the realization hit me that I was telling him I was carrying his child, and I realized that I can't do this.

"Full name, wow Clare, this sure seems important." he smirks. I sigh, it's now or never, right?

"You love me, right?" I ask.

"Of course I love you, and nothing will change that." he responds.

"Good. Well, I love you too."

"Great, so what's the problem?"

"I…I…I'm pregnant." I whisper.

"What was that Clare? I don't have super hearing." he replies.

"Thank God." I whisper before continuing. "Eli, I'm pregnant."

He sits there, frozen, like his limbs are glued. His eyes are stuck on mine, and as if looking for something, he gazes down to my stomach.

"Eli," I repeat, "I am pregnant." Somehow saying this a second time makes it seem even more true. I am pregnant. I am going to bear and raise a child.

He doesn't respond and I want to shake him or hug him and tell him that everything is going to be all right. But I do neither.

"Wow," He says, no trace of a smile on his face.

"I know." I say.

"But we used a condom."

"Those aren't always one hundred percent effective."

"This never would have happened with Julia." He whispers under his breath.

"Well, of course, because everything with Julia was just perfect. Well you know what Eli? Maybe we're not perfect, but this is your baby too and we have to deal." I can feel my resolve strengthening and the baby shaping into a reality.

He sighs. "You're right Clare. The problem is just as much my fault as it is yours, and we'll handle it together. I'll go to the clinic with you and we can sort everything out. We don't even have to tell anybody. It will be over before we know it. Everything will go back to normal."

"Eli, no, I'm not going to _murder_ our child. You know that it's against my beliefs."

"Having sex was also against your beliefs, but you still did that. I thought we were getting past your twisted Catholic upbringing."

"Yes, I did do something that went against my beliefs and look how well that turned out," I said gesturing towards my still-flat stomach.

"This problem would go away, easily, if you just got the operation. Welcome to the twenty-first century Clare: a place where women are allowed to control their own fate. You don't have to let the problem control your life."

I feel my fists clench. I hate how he keeps referring to my baby as _the_ _problem_. How could he not understand this? How could he want to murder my baby? " Eli, no. I am going to keep and raise this child."

"Clare, your sixteen. I'm seventeen. We can't do this. Do you think that this is the right environment to raise it?"

"I don't know, Eli, but I have to try! I have to."

He closes his eyes and I see his jaw tighten. "Well I can't." He says softly. "I can't have another life be so closely linked to mine. I would make a _horrible_ father, Clare. I can't do that to anyone. God, I am so dysfunctional!" He slams his hand down on the coffee table and I see the old Eli there: the one that went crazy when I touched his locker, the paranoid Eli who couldn't trust himself. I see his struggle with himself in his eyes. I see his anger and frustration at himself. And I know that he is right. He could never play a hand in raising my child. It had to be mine. I had to do this alone. It would tear him apart and I couldn't let Eli's anger at himself harm my baby.

"Fine, Eli," I say. "It is no longer your problem. I thought that maybe you would understand. But obviously, you can't. You are free Eli. Welcome to the twenty-first century."

"Clare, please, don't let it ruin your life. You're so smart; you have so many opportunities, please…"

I stop him. "No Eli. The debate is over. This is my decision. Please leave my house."

"Clare…"

"No."

I see his face fall and feel him slip away. "Go, Eli."

He falters, but leaves silently. The sound of the door closing behind him seems to hang in his wake. My fists unclench but I feel like I want to scream. Instead, I sink to the couch and begin to cry. A moment later I hear the door open.

"Clare?" I hear my mother's voice say. "We're home."

I stand up and straighten myself out. I wipe the tears from my face and ground myself.

_Here we go._

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	3. One Little Mistake

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**Disclamer:** We don't own Degrassi, it's characters, or Canada...but we do own this story, our lives, and a gigantic tweety bird stuffed animal!

_Chapter 3: One Little Mistake_

"Sweetie, are you here?" my mother's voice is soft, caring, gentle, like a mother's voice. I can't help but wonder if my voice will sound like that to my own child as I go and greet my parents in the doorway. I have to act calm or they'll know something's up. I have to wait for the right moment to tell them.

"Hi Daddy, Mom." I kiss their cheeks and give them each a hug.

"Hello Clare, how was your day with Adam?" my dad asks.

"Great." I reply following them as they walk into the living room.

"Wasn't that Elijah's car we saw driving away from here?" my mom says as she sits down on the couch.

"Yeah, he picked up Adam because Drew has a date." I lie. My father's gaze is focused on the coffee table, and then I realize. The test! I left the test there!

"Clare, what is this?" my dad asks holding the test in his hands.

"Well, daddy…" I trail off.

My mom continues for me. "Randall, is that what I think it is? A pregnancy test!"

Both of them look to me for any sign of conformation. I avert my gaze not wanting to see their upset, questioning looks. Slowly I nod my head as a few silent tears fall down my face.

"This is a joke right? Clare, whose is this? Alli's? Right?" I watch my mother struggle to find any explanation for the little piece of plastic in my father's hand rather than face the truth that is staring her in the face.

"No, mom, daddy, I'm sorry." I bow my head, unable to bear looking them in the eyes.

"Randall, what does the test say?" My mother asks him; her eyes widen with fear and shock at the rapidly surfacing news.

My dad looks at it for a few moments, trying to make sure that it isn't an illusion. "It…It's."

I don't think he can say it so I cut in. "Mom, it's positive." I say loud enough for her to hear.

"Clare Diane Edwards what have you done?" my mother is fuming with anger.

"It's his fault. That stupid boy. That hearse driving boyfriend of yours, isn't it?" My dad's words burn with a fire that screams if he ever sees Eli again he might kill him.

"God Daddy! It was mutual. It wasn't just his fault!" I exclaim.

"Adoption. That's what we'll do!" My mom proclaims standing up. She walks over to me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Adoption, you're too young to go through this."

I push away from her. "No mom, this is my baby and I'll raise it. My child is not going to be living with some _other_ family. The baby will stay with me, where he or she belongs."

"Clare, listen to your mother, you're awfully young to be pregnant, and much too young to raise a child. Think of your future," my Dad says.

"No, I can't do that. To me adoption is just as much of an option as an abortion is. I can't give up the baby, just like I can't kill it." I defiantly hold my ground, my gaze floating between my mother's soft saddened face as she realizes she's lost this battle with me, and my father's hard determined face that reveals that he will not stop fighting this battle until he's won.

"Clare Diane Edwards, you are my daughter, and as long as you live under my roof you will abide by my rules, and I forbid this!"

"Daddy, how can you say that?"

"This never would have happened if you were like your sister." my mom whispers to herself.

"Thanks mom. Compare me to Darcy! We're different people, it's like comparing fire and water!" I exclaim.

"No, Clare, honey that's not what I meant." my mom says.

"Then what did you mean? That Darcy's the perfect child? Newsflash, she's got in more trouble than I did!" I exclaim making a grand gesture with my hands.

"She didn't get pregnant did she?" my mom asks.

"No, she didn't, but she did more things than you know about!" I exclaim.

"This doesn't matter! Clare are you really dead set on keeping and raising this child on your own?" my dad asks.

"Yes Daddy, I'm glad you finally understand." I smile.

"Oh, I understand alright…"

"Randall!"

"Helen, if Clare wants to raise this baby, then she will." he says.

"Randall, do you realize what you've just said?"

"Thank you, Daddy." I say.

"I wasn't finished. Clare you can raise this child, but you won't do it in this house." he says. I stand there in front of my parents, dumbfounded and confused.

"Randall, what are you saying?" my mother asks.

"Helen, I'm saying if Clare wants to keep this baby so badly, then she's no longer a member of this family."

"Randall!"

"What Helen, do you want her to keep the child?"

"No, but kicking her out…"

"No buts about it Helen, if she wants the baby she has to move out!"

"Randall, she's only sixteen!"

"And…she's carrying a child. One that I did not plan on her having, nor do I want her to have, so if she wants this baby so badly she's not part of our family!"

"But, Randall…"

I cut my mom off. "Mom, it's alright. I accept."

"Accept the fact that you need to give the child up for adoption?" my dad asks.

"No, I accept that neither of you want to be associated with a pregnant teenager, so I'll move out." I say.

"Clare, please, rethink this. Your father just said that in the heat of the moment, he didn't mean it!" my mom says.

I breathe deeply and explain to her. "Mom, I love you both so much, but I know how you feel about my situation, so I'll move out. Just let me get some of my things, and I'll be on my way."

"But, Clare…"

"No mom. I'll pick up the rest of my things tomorrow."

"Where will you go?" my dad asks.

"I thought I wasn't part of this family." I shoot at him before running up the stairs. I go into my room and close the door. I grab my suit case from my closet and begin to fill it with my things. I throw clothes in there, some shoes, make-up…and all the other essentials. I grab my laptop bag and put my laptop and school books in it. I look around my room and scan the pictures that are on my wall; Some of me and Darcy, some of my whole family. I grab my favorite five; the one from bot wars last year, one of Adam, Eli and I laughing in front of Morty, one of Darcy and I just before she went to Kenya, one of my whole family minus my mom on a ski trip, and the last one is the one of me and Alli back in our freshman year. Back when things weren't so complicated. Back when we were innocent, well, almost innocent. The rest of my things I will come pick up tomorrow. I take the suit case and my lap top bag and, in sorrow, leave my room and walk down the stairs. My parents are arguing in the kitchen so I decide not to say goodbye to them. I walk out of my former house and begin to ponder where I could go. I make my decision and start walking in the direction of that house. It takes me twenty minutes to get to the front door because I couldn't get my bags to stay upright as I walked. I ring the door bell.

"Hey Clare, what do you need?" Adam asks when the door opens.

"Can I stay with you? My parents kicked me out." I ask.

"I don't know Clare." Adam says.

"Please Adam!" I exclaim on the verge of tears.

"Adam, whose at the door?" his mother's voice echoes through the doorway.

"Clare, she needs to ask you a question." he backs away from the door and allows his mom to come into my view. She smiles at me.

"Hello Clare, this is a surprise. How nice of you to drop by. What do you need?"

I freeze, my mind draws a blank.

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	4. Are We Making Progress?

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_Chapter 4: Are We Making Progress?_

I take in a deep breath. "Well, Mrs. Torres, I was going to ask you if I could stay here for the time being."

"Why Clare, what about your family?" she asks as she ushers me into the living room. Adam helps me with my suit case. I sit down on the couch next to him.

"Well…my parents have kicked me out." I sigh.

"Why on Earth would they do that?" she asks.

"Because…because…" I can't finish my sentence because I start to sob and hide my head on Adam's shoulder.

"Mom, Clare's…well…she's…"

I cut Adam off. "I'm pregnant." I say.

"Oh, Clare." Mrs. Torres walks over to me and pulls me into a hug. "I know how hard this can be."

"You do?" Adam and I ask in amazement at the same time.

"See, my sister, got pregnant at seventeen." she says.

"Oh." I say. "So, can I stay here?" I ask.

"Of course sweetie." she smiles. "Adam will show you to the guest room, your room now I guess."

"Let's go." Adam says. He leads me up the stairs and shows me the guest room. It has pale purple walls and a queen size bed covered with ivory sheets. It also has an adjoining bathroom.

Adam excuses himself so that I can unpack in peace. When I finish I walk back down the stairs and go into the living room.

"Clare?" Drew asks.

"Hi Drew." I say.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm…"

Mrs. Torres cuts me off. "She's living here now, so be nice. Dinner time."

I look at the clock. "Actually, I'm sorry, but I have to go to the Dot. I have to give Peter his Darcy letter." I say. She eyes me funnily, but nods.

"Do you need a ride?" she asks.

"No thanks, I could use the fresh air." I reply going back upstairs to grab Darcy's letter. I say goodbye and run out the door.

"Baby Edwards!" I hear four people exclaim when the door to the Dot chimes as I enter. Spinner, Emma, Manny, and Peter are standing by the counter.

"Special Delivery from Kenya." I hand Peter the letter.

"Thanks." he puts the letter into his pocket.

"I had half a mind to destroy it." I say quietly.

"Why would you do that?" he asks. All eight eyes are focused on me.

"I got into a fight with my parents."

"And that has what to do with Darce?" Manny asks.

"They compared my mistake to Darcy." I reply.

"What mistake have you made? You're Saint Clare!" Spinner laughs.

"I'm no Saint." I reply.

"Says the girl who wore a Catholic School uniform for the first half of ninth grade." Peter smiles.

"Hardy Har." I say.

"Are you okay Clare?" Peter asks me.

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not." I avert my gaze.

"Baby Edwards, what's wrong?" All four voices ask.

"Nothing, I…I should be going back to the Torres'." I say.

"What about your home?" Peter asks.

"I got kicked out." I reply.

"Been there." Manny says under her breath.

"Doubt it was for the reason I was." I tell her.

"I was kicked out because someone here posted topless pics of me." she responds.

"Not half as bad as why I was." I whisper to myself.

"Clare, what's going on with you?" Peter asks.

"Peter I'm scared." I whisper so only he can hear me. He pulls me into a hug.

"Why are you scared?" he asks.

"Because my parents hate me, Eli won't talk to me. Nothing's going right!" I sob.

"Why are your parents mad at you?"

I look to the rest of the group smile and then pull Peter to the back of the Dot by the bathrooms.

"I'm pregnant." I whisper.

"What?" he exclaims.

"I'm pregnant." I say.

"Everything will be okay." he says as he pulls me into a hug.

After I say goodbye to everyone, and make Peter promise not to tell anyone my secret I leave heading not to the Torres home, but to the park. I go there and take off my shoes and socks. I gently place my feet into the sand box that surrounds the swings. I walk over to the swings I've known since I was two. I sit down on one and remember back when Darcy would push me on the swing. I remember the time back when my dad surprised me with that pink bunny because he missed my birthday party. I remember the day I met Alli here. Back then I was innocent. Back then things were normal. Then if someone told me I'd be a teen mom I'd laugh. Those were the times when I was happy, when my life was good. Before Darcy tried to kill herself, before my parents fought, before I met boys like KC and Eli. Those times were innocent, child-like. They were me. But now I've changed, and as I swing on this swing set I imagine new times coming to this park. Pushing my son or daughter on this swing. Watching him or her run around, meeting new friends. And I know I'll protect them from getting hurt like I've been. I vouch to protect my child until he or she can fend for him or herself.

As my feet brush against the sand and I move the swing gently I realize I'm stuck. Stuck between two worlds. One world where I'm innocent and good, the other one where I'm a mother. Stuck between two ideas. Swinging here brings me to see that I'm going to be here for a while. Nine months at least. I'll be stuck between wanting to cry and wanting to scream. Wanting to wish this away, and wishing for the best life for my child. Wanting things to go back, and wanting things to move faster into my future. For, at least, the next nine months I'll be stuck in this world. But, I know it'll be worth it in the end. I'll have a child, and I'll be a new me.

I get up from the swing set grab my shoes and go into the gazebo. I sit there on the bench for a while, pondering life. I yawn and lie down on the bench. As my eyes close I smile.

**Authors Note Take two:** Did ya like it, love it, hate it?

We need 5 new reviews for chapter five people!

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	5. Operation Edwards

**Author's note:** Hey there, sorry this chapter took me (Catherine), so long to write. We promise to start cranking them out sooner. But for now, here you are… chapter five!

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Degrassi in any way, shape, or form. We only own our souls, story, and 3 sets of holiday window stickers that we never bothered to take done, (it will always be a happy Easter in this house.)

When I wake up I'm shivering. My eyes flutter open and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. I had fallen asleep in the gazebo in the park. I don't have a watch on me, but the night sky is pitch black; the only light comes from the moon and the stars. Not even the shops surrounding the park are lit. And it's freezing. I zip up my thin fall coat, tucking my chin inside the collar to try and get as much warmth out of it as I can. It must have been about six when I fell asleep. I don't know what time it is now. I quickly locate the Dot because figuring out how to get home; well—no—to the Torres's will be easier to do from there. The Dot is about a block away from the park. The streets are desolate except for a few parked cars. The whole town seems to be asleep. I start to get worried, it must be really late. I pick up my pace as I continue to walk to the Torres's, partially because I want to get there faster and partially because I hope that movement will help warm me up. Everything looks different this late at night. I see some street lamps, but it's difficult for me to navigate my way home. I squint to read street names and house numbers. I can't feel my fingers and I shove my hands inside my jacket pockets. I remember hearing that when pregnant women are in cold temperatures all of their body heat rushes to their core to protect the child inside of them, leaving their extremities very cold. This was certainly true now. I hope that at least that little bugger inside of me is warm enough.

When I finally reach the Torres's house I go to the front door and it's unlocked. The metal of the door handle is cold even to my numb fingers. I push the door open, trying to make as little noise as possible. I glance at the clock in the kitchen. It reads 3:47. The stairs squeak as I creep up them. I walk into the guest room not bothering to change into pajamas or brush my teeth. I wrap the layers of blankets around my body and curl up into a ball. I shiver as the blankets and my own heat defrost my body. My fingers and toes tingle as they are rejuvenated. Once my shivering subsides I drift off into a deep and dreamless sleep.

I wake up to the sound of multiple alarm clocks going off. It's a Monday morning so I hear the shuffling of people getting ready for the day. I'm so tired and worn that at that moment I can't think about doing anything but rolling over and going back to sleep. My plans are never realized because I hear the door swing open.

I groan, "Go away,"

"Clare?" I hear Drew's voice say.

I sit up when I hear the surprise and concern in his voice.

"Oh boy, is Mom gonna kill you! What time did you get in? I thought pregnant women weren't supposed to party?"

I rub my eyes and sit up straighter. "I wasn't partying, Drew, I fell asleep in the gazebo at the park."

"Yeah, sure, Mom'll believe that."

"She should. It's the truth."

"You obviously haven't met my mother."

I see Adam walk past the door and he does a double take when he sees me. "Clare!" He says stepping into my room. He goes right over to me and sits on the bed. "Thank God you're all right."

"Sheesh guys, you're acting like something awful happened. I'm fine, Adam, I fell asleep at the park."

He laughs briefly, "Good luck explaining that to Mom."

"That's what I said," Drew announces, "Clare doesn't seem to understand how much trouble her little ass is in."

"Mrs. Torres seemed very understanding last night." I say looking back and forth between the two of them who are in various states of being ready.

"Yeah, Clare, that's the good side of my mother," Adam says. "The other side…well…you don't really want to see that one,"

"But I'm afraid you're gonna have to," Drew gives me a consoling pat on the back.

"Clare, she went to the cops last night," Adam says.

"What?" I shoot up and out of my bed.

"You were out really late," Adam says,"What time did you get in?"

"3:47, but don't you think that's a little extreme?"

"That's Mom," Adam says.

"Welcome to the family," Drew chuckles.

"We better call her," Adam turns to his brother, "She's probably still trying to convince the popo to let the hounds out,"

"You're right, bro," Drew says. They both walk out of the room with me trailing behind.

Drew dials a number into the kitchen phone and I can hear the faint ring as he waits for Mrs. Torres to answer.

"Mom?" He says when she picks up. "Yeah, she's here…this morning….well, you can tell her that." Drew passes me the phone like it's a hot coal.

I slowly press it to my ear, "Hello?"

I hear a rushed and angry voice. "Clare—I don't know your middle name yet but I'll have to learn it for situations like these – Edwards, you are in so much trouble, when I get home …You're grounded! We are laying down the laws. Earlier curfews, I must know where you are at all times…" Her voice trailed off and then, "Yes, Bill, you can call operation Edwards off."

Then in the background I hear, "Audra, I swear, if the police department has to deal with one more of your little operations…"

"Then you will handle it as you handled all of the other operations, treating it with the upmost importance, because I know all you're dirty little secrets, don't I Bill?"

In a muffled, resigned tone, "Yes, Audra."

Mrs. Torres continues to address me. "Clare, I'm hanging up now, but you better be there when I get home. Be ready for me to drive you to school because we are going to be having a little discussion in the car."

"Yes Mrs. Torres," I say, but she has already hung up the phone.

"Well?" Drew asks.

"She's coming home." I say, suddenly feeling very frightened. Bill wasn't the only one Mrs. Torres had dirt on.

"Clare, you should get dressed, you look a mess, and I don't think that that's going to contribute very well to your innocent act," Adam says.

I nod and head to the upstairs bathroom. I look at my face in the mirror and see that Adam is right. My red curls are knotted and sticking out in different directions, the little bit of mascara that I had put on yesterday morning is now running down my face. The clothes that I hadn't bothered to change out of last night are wrinkled. I hurriedly run a brush through my hair trying to work out the knots. I quickly brush my teeth and scrub my face, then head to the guest room to change. I pick out a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved purple top. As I dress I think about how soon my clothing will stop fitting me. I shudder at the thought of walking down the Degrassi halls wearing maternity clothes and the same kind of belly I had seen on so many other women, protruding in front of me wherever I go. I pack my backpack with my books and pencils and after a short debate with myself I throw in the pink bunny that I had brought with me from home.

I hear the front door open and Drew's head pokes in through the doorway of my room. "You ready, Edwards?"

I nod, swing my bag over my shoulder and exit the guest room closing the door behind me. We walk downstairs and I see that Adam's already there standing beside his mother.

Mrs. Torres glares at me but says, "Come on kids, get in the car," the four of exit the house, and when I go to sit in the back of the car Mrs. Torres says, "Clare, why don't you sit in the front? Right next to me,"

I obey.

She pulls out of the driveway and begins to dive to school. "Clare, would you like to tell me where you were last night?"

"I fell asleep in the gazebo at the park," I say truthfully, "And Mrs. Torres, I just want to say how sorry I am that I was out so late and you were worried about me, and I promise that it will never happen again. I'm just so grateful that you have welcomed me into your home and that I have someone who cares about me enough to be worried and go to the police to find me." I blurt out before Mrs. Torres has the chance to continue.

She seems to soften at my words. "I'm glad you appreciate my efforts Clare. And I do care about you. I am very happy that you are safe, but from now on I want you home every day after school. For the next two weeks you aren't allowed out but for school and after those two weeks I must know where you are going at all times. Clare, if you are living under my roof you must follow my rules. Is that understood?"

"Yes ma'm," I respond. The drive is a relatively quick one and we have already pulled into the Degrassi parking lot.

"Alright Clare. Have a good day at school kids," She says as we get out of the car.

When she drives away Drew turns to me and says "Ah, the ol' butterin' 'er up method,"

"Shut up," I say, starting to giggle.

"Well it worked," Adam says, "boy did she let you off the hook easily."

"I just think she's glad to finally have a daughter-type again. You really let her down man, I think she's afraid to lose another one."

Adam shoots him a death stare, "Don't be an ass Drew,"

"Sorry," He throws his hand up, "I can't help it, ass-hood is my permanent state of being."

I am distracted from the brother's banter when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. The text is from Eli. Great. The one person I was trying to forget about. I consider deleting it for a moment, but I cave and open the message.

_Four words._

_We need to talk._

I quickly erase the message and shove my phone back into my pocket. I walk up the Degrassi steps alongside Drew and Adam, wishing fervently for this day to be over.

So…thanks for reading. Hope you liked it.

And remember, as always, reviews make us happy!


	6. sense of humor

**Authors Note**: Salve, readers! Here is chapter six. Now, I really do guarantee that I'll get the next chapter out sooner (**insert infomercial voice here**) not a guarantee. But anyway, enjoy chapter six and as always, reviews are stupendous.

Disclaimer: Yup. I still don't own Degrassi…

Eli's text is obviously successful, because for the rest of the day I can't think of anything but him. Damn him! Even though I know that he wants to kill my baby, I can't help but want him back. I yearn to have him hold my hand as we walk through the hallways, and kiss me while we sit at a picnic table under the canopy of red leaves, swaying serenely in the autumn breeze. I imagine the way his lips would feel on mine; those sarcastic lips that still managed to be infinitely gentle and suddenly passionate.

"Clare? Ms. Edwards?"

I shoot up, out of my chair at the sound of my name and look around, dazed and confused, "Huh?" I say. I hear giggles from my classmates around me.

"No need to get all excited Ms. Edwards," my math teacher, Mr. Armstrong says coolly, "While you were busy daydreaming and staring out the window, I was teaching the class about imaginary numbers. Would you like to tell me what i squared is?"

I think for a moment before answering, "Negative one."

"Very good," Mr. Armstrong continues on with the rest of the class.

For the remainder of math class and all of art and history, I try desperately to focus and not let my mind wonder, but it's hard. These past few days have been the most difficult of my life. I found out I was pregnant with Eli's child, got kicked out of the only place I knew as home by the first people I had ever loved, broke up with Eli; my rock, moved into Adam's, fell asleep in a park and almost froze to death, and had Adam's mom call the cops on me. It was a lot to take in, and still have the energy to focus on school. It made me wonder if I would be able to juggle my life when I actually had a child. I wouldn't only have to fend for myself, but another, helpless being would be completely reliant on me. Only me.

When the lunch bell rings I go to the cafeteria. On any normal day, I would sit with Eli. We used to be practically inseparable, but this isn't a normal day. Would any day after this be normal? When I see Adam standing in line to get lunch I let out I sigh of relief. I go to stand next to him and see Jenna with a hand on her hip.

"Cutting, Clare Bear? Maybe you should try the back of the line like everyone else. Or wait, I forgot. Clare Edwards doesn't wait in the back of lines. Clare Edwards is better than everyone else," There are a few snickers at Jenna's words.

"So not in the mood, Jenna," I say.

"What? Feeling a bit hormonal?" More snickers.

She has no idea how right she is. But I turn my back on Jenna.

"Don't listen to her," Adam says, "She's just trying to pick a fight."

"I know," I say looking down at my tray.

After we get our food we go to sit down at a table with nobody sitting there. I take a bite of my apple before I hear my phone ring in my pocket. I look at the little screen. It's from Eli. I don't give myself the chance to think before I hit answer.

"Clare?" I hear his voice, the voice that I had been needing to hear. But I don't say anything.

"Clare, are you there?" I can't bring myself to hang up.

"Well if you're there…we need to talk. Back at your house…that argument may have gotten a little heated. We both said some things, but Clare, we need to think about this rationally. I need to talk to you…in person," He pauses for I moment and I hear him draw in a breath. "I still love you, Clare. I'll never stop."

If he says more I don't know because I press end before I can hear anything else. Before my heart can melt any further. I place the phone down on the table and stare at it. For four heartbeats I hear nothing. Not the chatter or the laughter, or the chaos of the lunchroom.

"Was it Eli?" Adam finally says softly, breaking my trance.

"Yeah, it was Eli." I say and I shove the phone back in my pocket.

"Ummm…" He says, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I shrug.

"I thought girls always wanted to talk about. Especially you, what's gotten into you, Clare?"

I ponder for a moment. "A fetus."

He laughs briefly, but then says, "I don't think that pregnancy is supposed to be so funny." I sigh, "But if we don't have a sense of humor about it, it really will drive me insane." I smile and add "So go ahead, laugh," I begin to laugh then at my own ridiculous suggestion and soon Adam's laughing too. We sit there, like fools, giggling hysterically at the mere notion of pregnancy. What a silly thing this is. I'm pregnant. I laugh harder then, maybe because I feel like if I stop laughing I'll start to cry.

"Seriously Clare," Adam says when we've both calmed done, "You okay?"

"I'm not really sure anymore," I say, slouching back into my chair, "I think I'm just taking it one day at a time. You know?"

"What about Eli?"

I sigh. "I'm trying to put him behind me, I'm moving on." Even as I say this I'm not so sure that it's is true. I place my hand on my stomach. It's still flat, but I imagine the little being in there, laughing when I laugh. Crying when I cry.

After lunch I go to my locker to get my books for physics next period. I look through the neatly organized pile of textbooks and binders and notebooks, but I don't see my physics textbook anywhere. I couldn't have misplaced it. I'm always so meticulous with my school things. I look through my locker again, taking note of its contents. I realize that not only is my physics textbook missing, but so is my history textbook and the journal where I write of my most personal prose. I rummage through my bag, looking for the missing items, already knowing that they're not going to be there. I know that I didn't leave them at the Torres's house. I finally come to the conclusion that I must have left them at home. _Home_ home. My mind races. This isn't good. I can't repurchase the textbooks. I simply don't have the funds with which to make that purchase. I wouldn't mind losing my notebook so much, but sooner or later, my parents will find it and read about everything. Every personal thing that had ever happened to me, I had written about in that stupid notebook. I shuddered at the thought of my parents reading my very detailed account of when Eli and I had sex. They would read about every time I disobeyed them, everything I tried to hide from them. Even though my parents had practically disowned me and I should be incredibly upset with them right now. All I can think is that I don't want them to hate me even _more_. I _needed_ to get that notebook. I took my phone back out of my pocket and sent Adam a text.

_I left some VERY important things at my house. Do you think you and Drew could come with me to get them? I need a driver. But I CANNOT let my parents know that I was there. Get ready for a little mission impossible._

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Please review…cause you know you want to make us happy.


	7. speechless

**Author's Note:** Hello there fellow Degrassi fans! Here is chapter 7. And FYI this chapter and the last few chapters have been written by me, Catherine, with some input from Cat, because she is on a temporary hiatus from fanfic, but not to fear, she will be back soon. Kay, so read and please please review!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Degrassi only my story, myself and a a rather large collection of X-men action figures (I don't own X-men either.)

After school I meet Adam by the Degrassi steps as his text instructs me to do. Drew went to pick up his truck the period before and is supposed to meet us back at the school.

"Hey," Adam says when I see him walking towards me; his backpack slung over one shoulder.

"Hi Adam," I say, "Hey, thanks for helping me out. I don't think that I could have done this alone."

"No problem, Clare, you know I always have your back."

"Yeah, you've been having my back a lot lately."

I hear a loud and slightly obnoxious honk and turn to see Drew's truck pull up. I climb into the back seat and Adam to the front.

"Sheesh dude, was the honking really necessary?" Adam says, buckling his seatbelt.

"Hey, I like to make a statement." Drew says.

"Yup, you never do fail to make a statement." Adam mumbles.

Drew ignores his brother and as he begins to drive he says, "So Clare, what exactly is this 'mission' you speak of."

"I left some of my stuff at my parents' house. I need to get it, but I really _really_ can't let them see me or know that I was there. My Dad should be at work right now and my mom at bible study for the next hour or so, but we need to be in and out of there ASAP. Make a left here." I say when we get to an intersection.

"Okay, so we're gonna have to be super sneaky. Man, I wish I'd have worn all black!" Drew says, "The ladies can't resist a guy in all black. Especially if that guy is this guy right here."

"Could you be a little more cocky, Drew?" Adam turns to him.

"As a matter of fact, I can."

I laugh, "Sorry Drew, but I'm going to be the only lady you'll see on our little 'mission', well unless you count Irene."

"Who's…?"

I cut Adam off, "Our cat."

"Sexy."

"Yeah…she doesn't really sound like my type," Drew says.

"You sure, Drew? I thought you loved pussy."

"Eww…guys, no need to get graphic." I say, "Make a right here."

We pull up to my house and I take in a deep breath. Even though it has only been a few days since I left this place, it seems like it has been years; like I've gotten much older in these past days; like the world has sped up while I stood immobile, unable to do anything but age.

"This the house?" Drew asks.

"This is the house." I say.

Drew and Adam strut up to the front door and I linger behind, dreading for some reason, going inside. I feel like going inside will make me not belonging here anymore even more real. I have this fear that when I go in everything will be different from when I left. The walls will be splatter painted purple, and there'll be marker drawings on the previously pristine tiled floors, and there'll be a Kiss poster where there used to be a painting of Jesus.

"The door's locked," Adam says after trying to open it.

"There's a key under the flower pot." I say, closing the distance between me and the house. I lift the terracotta pot with the fake yellow flowers and retrieve the little golden key. I put it in the keyhole, twist, and push the door open, like I had so many other times. The walls are the same neutral tones that they had been when I left. The floor is as spotless as ever, and when I step into the house Jesus stares at me, like he has been all my life.

"Don't you ever feel spooked out having _him _watching over you all the time?" Adam says gesturing to the painting.

"Yeah Dude, creepy," Drew says inspecting the picture.

"Well, in Christianity, God is always watching you anyway, so having the painting is kind of just like a reminder," I say.

"Always watching you?" Adam repeats.

"Stalkeeeeer!"Drew turns to his brother.

I sigh. "I think my stuff is upstairs."

"Okay, we're right behind you, Clare." Adam says and we head up the stairs.

The door to my room is closed and I twist the doorknob to open it. Nothing in my room has changed. My bed remains unmade and the drawers of my dresser are open from when I'd opened them last to fling clothes into a suitcase. I look around my room and find my physics book on my desk next to my computer. I don't see my notebook anywhere. I open my closet and dig through baskets of old junk, searching. I find it at the top of one basket, next to an old photo album.

"Found it," I say holding the notebook up like it's a prize.

"What exactly was so important about finding that notebook?" Drew asks.

I hesitate, "Ummm…personal significance."

"So, are we gonna bolt or what?" Adam says.

"In a sec," I say, "I have to put everything back where I found it." I start putting things back in baskets, trying to make it look like nothing had been touched. When I am satisfied with the placement of the items in my room we leave and I close the door behind me, refusing to take one last look at the room that I had spent every night in since I was little.

"Okay," I say, "Now we can bolt." We begin to walk down the stairs and the phone starts to ring. Reflexively, I consider answering it, but then realize how ridiculous that would be.

I hear my own voice "You've reached the Edwards residence. Home of Clare,…"

My mother's voice comes on, "Helen,"

And then my father's, "Randall,"

My bright, cheery voice again," And occasionally Darcy. Please leave a message after the beep and we will get back to you soon."

I hear the beep and we've made it down the stairs. Adam is starting to open the door, but I freeze when I hear the voice come on. It's the sweet, kind voice of my mother the one I had heard every morning when I woke up and every night when I went to bed.

"Randall, It's me," She says, sounding worn "I can't…I can't take this anymore. I can't take you or our fighting. There's nothing else that I can do. I'm taking off…I don't know if I'll be back."

I suck in a breath. Oh. My. God.

"I'm sorry Randall, but I just can't. Don't try to contact me. Know that I am safe, but I have no desire to speak to you. I'm…I'm taking my life into my own hands. And I'm opening an account…for Clare, our daughter. I don't care what you think, and I guess that I think many of those same things to, but she's still our daughter, and she's in need. You won't be able to access the account, so don't try anything, Randall." She paused and I heard her voice shake, like she was crying, "Good bye, Randall."

I can't move. This is too much. I'm not breathing. I stand here; stuck.

"Clare…" Adam says. But there doesn't seem to be any words.

Then I hear the squeak of the back door opening and my father's voice, "Helen? Are you home?"

Damn. My heart beats quickly as a whisper-hiss, "Go!"

Adam pushes open the door and we all rush out. I turn around briefly as I step through the doorway, and see my father, standing there, near the picture of Jesus, with his mouth hanging open. Speechless. I whip my head around quickly and run, as fast as I can, towards the truck.

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	8. Where Have I Heard That Before?

**Author's Note:** Hey guys…I know Catherine's been writing a lot lately, and I want to explain that…Cat's computer is down… so that's why my stories haven't been updated in so long. I'm still unable to write, I wrote this out on Catherine's computer… I won't have access for a while, so, so this here's the newest chapter of our story!  
**Disclaimer:** We don't own Degrassi, or it's characters…just our lives and these stories…  
_Chapter 8: Where Have I Heard That Before?_  
I hear the echo of alarms beeping through the house. Living with the Torres' hasn't been too bad, well Drew's been relatively nice, and Mrs. Torres has been understanding. I groan and keep my eyes closed trying to ignore the fact that I have to go to school. Ignore the fact that a small baby is growing inside of me. But before I even have the chance to fall back asleep I hear someone knocking on my door and then it creaks open.  
"Clare, are you awake?" Mrs. Torres' soft voice makes its way to me.  
I groan.  
"Did you set your alarm?" she asks.  
"Why when the walls are paper thin and I can hear everyone else's alarms blaring throughout the house?" I shoot up.  
Mrs. Torres laughs and sits down on my bed. "I know, that's the one bad thing about this house."  
"Are you driving us to school today?" I ask.  
"Yes, I am. But I need you to do something today." her tone gets serious.  
"What?" I ask.  
"You need to tell Mr. Simpson you're pregnant." she says.  
"WHAT? No way. No one else can know. Not even Drew knows, and I live here!" I say.  
"Yeah, well, we'll deal with that later, but even as much as I _hate_ that principal of yours he does need to know." She emphasizes the word _hate_ and smiles, almost like she might laugh again.  
"Why?"  
"Since you'll be going to school during your pregnancy he'll need to know so that you'll be allowed to excuse yourself in case you're tired, or in case you're at a doctor's appointment, or anything else baby related."  
I sigh.  
"So, will you do that for me?"  
"I guess."  
"You guess?"  
I smile. "I will Mrs. Torres."  
"Get ready for school, sweetie." Mrs. Torres smiles and leaves my room. I get up and find an outfit to wear. I grab my black skirt that goes down to just below my knees, and my lavender long sleeve button down shirt. I put the outfit on and go to my bathroom where I brush my hair and my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror for a moment. I close my eyes and picture myself with a very pregnant belly, waddling from math to science. I walk out of my bathroom trying to shake those thoughts from my head. I grab my backpack and black trench coat and walk out of my room.  
"Morning Clare." Adam says when I get down the stairs.  
"Hey." I smile.  
"Kids, you ready?" Mrs. Torres walks over to us.  
Adam and I nod and we walk out of the house.  
"Where's Drew?"  
"He's driving his truck to school."  
"Shotgun!" I call and run to the car.  
Adam groans, but complies climbing into the back.  
When we get to school it's pouring rain. Adam and I hop out of the car and we run into the school building.  
"Bye Clare." Adam says as he heads to his science class. I head to Media Immersion after I drop my wet coat into my locker. I go into the classroom and take my usual seat next to Connor.  
"Hey Clare." he greets me.  
"Connor."  
Suddenly I feel my face flush. I walk over to Ms. Oh, she smiles at me.  
"What can I do for you Miss. Edwards?" she asks.  
"I'm not feeling so well can I go to the bathroom?" I ask.  
"Here's the pass." she hands me a thin piece of paper. I hold my backpack close to me and exit the classroom.  
I walk down the hall, my feet moving faster than I want them to. I reach the bathroom and run into the stall. I vomit into the toilet and sit there for a minute. I flush the toilet and exit the stall.  
"Clare-Bear? Bulimic? I would have never guessed." Jenna is standing there with her arms crossed across her body as I walk to the sinks.  
"You don't know anything about me Jenna." I say as I wash my hands.  
"Oh, Clare-Bear, you'd be surprised how much I know about you." she shoots me a sly smirk and then walks away. I shake my head, telling myself she just wants to mess with me, which she was. I dry my hands off and I walk out of the bathroom. As I walk I pass Mr. Simpson's office, which I stop in front of, I can't move my feet. I realize I have to tell him that I am pregnant. I can't hide this fact. No matter how much I want to. I try and gather myself, try to tell myself that it will be all right after I tell him. Try and tell myself that I can do this.  
"Bye Snake." Emma walks out of Mr. Simpson's office.  
"_Emma_." He says reprimanding.  
"I mean bye _Dad_!" she waves goodbye and smiles to me before exiting the school. I get this weird feeling. I got it the last time I saw her too. It's like that feeling you get when you know something's behind the door in the horror movies Eli used to make me watch.  
Mr. Simpson turns his head to me and does a double take. "Clare?"  
"Hi Mr. Simpson." I smile.  
"Is everything all right?"  
Why does _everyone _keep asking me this? "No."  
"Do you need to talk to me?"  
"Yes." I say looking down.  
"Well, come on in." he leads me into his office and closes the door after me.  
I breathe in deeply, waiting for my voice to takeover and do the talking on its own.  
"What's going on Clare?" he asks me.  
"I need to tell you something. _Important_." I say looking down at my hands like they are growing rapidly.  
"Is there something I can do?"  
I roll my eyes. "Nothing can undo this." I whisper.  
"Huh? You didn't set off another stink bomb did you?"  
"No, nothing like that. I promise." I smile.  
"Then what is it?" he asks.  
"Will you keep this just between the two of us?" I ask meeting his gaze. His blue eyes are questioning.  
"Of course Clare."  
"I'm…well…I'm pregnant."  
His eyes widen. "Are you sure?"  
"I took an at home test, and I've been having all the symptoms."  
"Well, I'm afraid we'll have to inform Coach Armstrong."  
"What? Why?" I ask.  
"Clare, with this _being _now dependent on you we'll need to keep an eye on the amount of physical activity you can do. When's your doctor's appointment?"  
"Six weeks from tomorrow. I set it up last night."  
"Oh."  
I take in a deep breath, almost like I'm about to be accused of something.  
"You know, Christine, my wife, got pregnant with Emma at a young age too." he says.  
"What?" I ask.  
"Yes, she was pregnant at fifteen." he says.  
"Oh…" I say.  
The bell rings.  
"Well, when you have that doctor's appointment come back and tell me what he…or she says about the level of physical activity you are allowed to do per day." he smiles, jots something down on a piece of paper and hands it to me.  
I look at him, slightly confused.  
"It's a pass to your next class."  
"Bye Mr. Simpson." I walk out of the office.  
My next few classes go by quickly, and I keep getting distracted by the sounds of the rain pattering down on the windows.  
When the bell rings for school to be over at the end of the day I saunter over to Adam's locker after I've gathered all of my books.  
"Hey there Clare." he says.  
"Hey Adam." I smile.  
Drew walks up to his locker.  
"Hey Drew, I was wondering, Adam has a Science Team meeting after school, and as much as I love him, I don't want to be here for the rest of my life, so could you drive me home?"  
Drew and Adam stare at each other for a minute, having a conversation in their minds, and when it's done I look between the two.  
"Sure." Drew groans as he walks past me. "You coming or what?"  
I say bye to Adam and walk after Drew.  
When I get into the car I feel my phone vibrate.  
One New Text…from _Eli_.  
_Clare, we still need to talk…give me a call, or text me...please_  
I text him back.  
_No Eli, you want nothing to do with this baby? Fine. You'll have nothing to do with me. _  
I wait a few moments for his response.  
_As you wish._  
Where have I heard that before?  
"Clare, _what _did that text say?" I see Drew looking over my shoulder. We're stopped in his driveway. His face seems frozen. I feel beads of sweat collect on my brow. Now I have to tell him...  
_Shit_.  
**Author's Note:** Hope you liked it….can any readers out there tell what the line "As you wish" is from?  
Bonus points if you can…..  
And I Googled the whole gym class thing….there are certain activities which you can't partake in  
xoxo Cat and Catherine


	9. Repent

Author's Note: So you know the drill…read and review…enjoy chapter 9!

Disclaimer: We do NOT own Degrassi. I thought it would be obvious by now…

Repent:

Drew stares at me, almost as if he's in a movie that's paused. I wave my hand in front of his face and he is jolted back into reality.

"You okay there Drew?" I ask.

"Clare, _what_ did that text say?" he repeats. Now he's on replay, great. I groan.

"Could we not talk about this out here? Let's just go inside." I offer. He nods. We open our doors simultaneously and we get out of his truck. Drew walks into his house, seeming like he's just seen a ghost. With shaky hands he goes and unlocks the door. Once both of us are inside I close the door. Drew sits down on the couch and watches me closely as I make my way into the room, coming to sit next to him.

"What did that text say Clare?" he asks. I close my eyes, count to three, and then open them again. I realize this has gotten easier and easier with each person I tell. Not that this could _ever_ be easy, but more comfortable.

"Drew…I'm pregnant." The words come out with ease. I notice a feeling inside of me. Is it pride? Pride of this unborn child that continues to grow inside of me? How can that be? Could I really be proud of this child? Or could it be love for the child? Love for my baby to be? Is this how my mother felt when she was carrying me and Darcy? How every mother feels when they know they're bringing a child into the world? How could I possibly love a child when I haven't laid my eyes on it? How can I feel this way for something that is inside of me? I smile, thinking of the love that I hold for this unborn baby.

"What? How?" he asks, clearly in shock. I shake my head in disbelief. This must run in the family, obliviousness to the obvious.

"Well, Drew, when a boy and a girl love each other, or in your case, are in lust with each other, they decide that it's time to make love…"

He cuts me off, "I've had the sex talk Clare. I mean _how_, you're Saint Clare!"

"Why does everyone remember my by this?" I whisper to myself. I compose myself and look to him, continuing, "Well, Eli and I made love and, a week and half later I peed on a plastic stick and voila. What would you know; a little pink plus sign appears."

"So…if this baby's Eli's, then why not live with him and his family?"

I close my eyes and try to compose myself. Try not to let the tears collecting escape. Try to hold onto the little piece of dignity I have left. "He…um…_we_ decided it wasn't working out. I haven't spoken to him really."

"Does, does he know?" Is Drew Torres, the cheater and liar, being _sympathetic_?

"Yes…he knows." I breathe in and out.

"And he left you _after_ he found out? I'm gonna kill him for doing that." He says, his brows scrunching together, and his mouth forming a straight line. I smile, for a moment.

"Why would you say that? Like I've told Eli a hundred times, violence only makes the situation worse."

"But, how could someone leave their _girlfriend_ when she's pregnant?"

"Drew Torres…heartbreaker, cheater, and compassionate?"

"Hey, I am a guy of many levels." He smiles.

"I'm starting to rethink my idea of you Drew. Maybe I misjudged you."

"Thanks." He smiles.

I suddenly realize who I'm talking about this openly to. "You won't tell anyone will you?"

"No sweat. I won't. "Promise."

"Like when you promised Alli you'd be…"

He cuts me off, "Different situation."

"Thanks Drew." I give him a hug.

"This has been a nice convo, but I gotta go to football." He gets up, smiles and goes out the door. The sound of the door closing seems to echo through the whole house. I get up and grab my phone from the table by the front door. I flip it open and a sign pops up.

One Voicemail. From my mom. I run up to my room, not wanting to listen to the message down here.

I sit on my bed and pause for a moment with my thumb hovering above the 'listen to voicemail' button. I remember the voicemail that my mother had left for my Dad a few days earlier. That voicemail had shaken me deeply. I couldn't picture my parents apart. My good Christian mother would _never_ separate from my father. But she did. And I can't change it. I'm not a part of their lives anymore. I shudder at the thought of my father alone in the house that had been my home for so many years. He lost one daughter and forced one to leave, and now he lost his wife too. Although my father is the reason that I am now a stranger to my home and my family, I still love him, and I know that he must be hurting. I picture him sitting alone in that big house with no one left to love him, no one left to love.

I take a deep breath and press the 'listen to voicemail' button. I hear my mother's sweet, familiar voice, and exhale.

"Clare, it's me. It's your mother. I want you to know that I have left your father," she paused, like she was contemplating her own words, "everyone's fine and you don't need to know the details of the situation, but I needed to get away. What I really need right now is space…from everything. This past while has been hard, Clare. I mean, my baby girl is…" she trailed off and then I heard her sigh. "But I didn't call to lecture you Clare, nor did I call to reconcile. It's all too much right now…I can't handle this…not you, or your father, or what you've done. Really, the reason that I've called is to tell you that I have made you a bank account. I know that one day you will see me again, but even after that nothing will ever be normal again. You are going to be on your own for a while…I don't know how long, but you are going to need some money. I need you to be okay, Clare, I need you to be strong, but hopefully this money will help. I know that you are staying with the Torres's, so I'll mail the house the account info…I know that you're going to make it through, Clare. You were always strong. Maybe even stronger than your Father and I. You've made some very, very, stupid decisions. But now, it's between you and God, Clare, if you are to be forgiven. I don't quite know if I'll be able to forgive you for this either, but I know that I do love you. I'm going through a rough time Clare; I need to figure out where I'm going from here. But I do know that I am done with being suffocated." She sighed again and then continued. "Goodbye, Clare, I don't know when you'll be hearing from me next. I really don't want to talk to you right now. I'll help you in this small way, but I think that you need time too. Time to repent for what you've done."

The message ends and I place the phone on the side table. I lay down on my bed in fetal position, just lying there, thinking. I'm not sure whether I should be mad at my Mom or thankful. On the one hand, she is helping me by giving me money. At least that shows that she still cares, but how much does a mother really care if she won't even come and look her daughter in the eye, won't provide a shelter for her, and runs as soon as things get bad? Her last words replayed again and again in my mind. _ I need to repent for what I've done. _I had sex. I committed fortitude. The Bible says that sex outside of marriage is wrong, so when I had sex with Eli was I abandoning the Christian faith? I know now that I love the creature inside of me, but was its existence wrong? Was it unholy? But how could God really hate something so innocent, so pure? No. I know that God will not hate my child, but can he hate me? If God is love, then how can He hate an act that I did out of love? I love Eli and I made love with him and it didn't feel unholy…not until I saw the little plus sign. It all feels so confusing. I thought that for sure that I sinned, but did I? By the Catholic definition, yes, but what if I don't agree with the Catholic definition? What if I make my own definition? But I can't. The Bible is the laws of God, and who is there to look to besides God? _I must repent for what I've done. _

I get down on both knees and put my hands together in the prayer position.

_Forgive me, Lord, for I have sinned._

_Author's Note:_ Okay, so I thought that I was going to write the Eli/Clare confrontation in this chapter, but the story kind of has a mind of its own…anyway, Eli is _definitely_ going to be in the next chapter which you will be seeing very soon…get psyched!

Thanks for reading…we love readers! and reviewers!


	10. Red: part 1

_**Author's Note**_: So this chapter is going to be split into two parts…because otherwise it would be a really loooong chapter and I like my chapters to be around the same length…OCD much…probably… but yes, this chapter does have Eli in it, finally (but I'm not making any promises about their relationship status…) Anyway, hope you like the chapter and please review!

_**Disclaimer**_: We do not own Degrassi, only our story.

"I love you," He says. And in that moment, I believe him; trust him.

"As I love you," I take his hand with the black-sharpied nails and squeeze it, giving him my heart as I had promised.

He smiles and tucks a tendril of my hair behind my ear in that sweet, perfect way, creating that sweet, perfect moment that I had imagined so many times.

Time seems to slow, just for us, so that we can feel everything, and so that when we look into each other's eyes, we don't think about anything else. But our perfection.

I get that warm feeling in my core. The one that has the color of red roses and the texture of caramel. It grows and I feel it spread from deep within me to my limbs and the tips of my fingers and toes. It spreads until the light burns. My core feels hot. Scorching. And I no longer like it. I tell it to stop but it doesn't listen. It's the one that's the color of thick, red blood and the texture of sandpaper, rubbing at my flesh. The Red expands until there is no more room and it breaks through the skin at my fingertips and toes. It pours out of me collecting in pools around my screaming body.

I fall to the ground and curl up on my side, in fetal position, unable to take the pain. When it stops and there is nothing left of me but cold, pale, blackness, I whimper and look up at him. He stands, looking down at me. Expressionlessly staring at my wasted body. From the top of his slick black-haired head down the length of his body and to his gray shoes, he is covered. Covered in my Red.

I wake, lying in fetal position, with my arms wrapped around my shivering body. I don't remember my dream, but have a lingering feeling of emptiness; helplessness, and when I open my eyes, where I should have seen pitch black, I see red.

It's been a couple of weeks now since I found out that I was pregnant, but it feels like much longer; like every moment has been stretched and elongated so that time goes by at a painfully slow speed; like in a single heartbeat my whole world could come crashing down on me. And I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. But motionlessly watch the slow-rising steam as my life goes up in flames.

I hear the alarm clocks begin to go off, one by one ringing their melodies and harmonies throughout the house. I've gotten accustomed to their sounds now. And I've learned to ignore them. I cover my head with my pillow and let my eyes close again. When next I open them I check the digital clock on my dresser and see that it's six-thirty. Still an ungodly hour to get up, but we're supposed to be in the car driving to school at seven fifteen, so I groggily climb out of bed and walk towards the bathroom.

"Sorry Clare, you know the saying about early birds, you're in line behind me." Drew says, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom.

I groan. "Great, last again. You Torres boys take longer to get ready than I do."

When we get to school I climb out the backseat of the car and thank Mrs. Torres. Adam and I walk towards our lockers, discussing last night's English homework. When we get to our lockers I pop mine open and go to grab my books when a note falls from my locker and flutters down to the ground. This is one of those moments; a moment that seems to last forever. With each swish of the paper to the ground I feel like I grow years older. I bend down to the ground to pick it up. The paper is folded in half and I see my name written in Eli's unmistakable scrawl. It's written in red ink. I open it up hastily, trying to make this moment pass as quickly as it can, and I read.

_Clare,_

_ You've ignored all my calls and texts. Every time we see each other in the halls you run away from me as fast as you can. I need to talk to you, Clare. To see you. I know that we have more to say to each other, and you can't avoid this forever. If you won't do this cooperatively I'll have to come to you. Get ready for some physical confrontation. Today, after school._

_Love,_

_Eli_

I sigh and shove the piece of paper back in my locker. He's right. I have been avoiding him. I can't bear to see his face again. I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if I'll want to punch him or if our confrontation will open up all my old wounds. Or even worse, what if I run to him with open arms? I can't make myself vulnerable like that. I know what he's going to say. I know that he still wants to murder my child, and I know that I cannot let him do that. But Eli is right in another way too; I can't put this off forever. Our fragile worlds are going to collide at some point. I need to do this. I need to be strong. I place my hand on my stomach, as I have been doing more and more these days, and once again, I focus on the love that I have for my child, and the strength that it gives me.

"Clare?" Adam says, "…you okay?"

"I'm fine Adam. I need to face this."

"What? English class? 'cause I'm dreading it to. If have to listen to one more lecture about participle phrases or subordinate clauses I swear I'll have to cut Ms. Dawes's balls off and feed them to the gerunds."

"Ew, Adam, really, where do you come up with this stuff?" I say as I slam my locker and we begin to walk to class.

"Well I thought it was kind of clever, because you know a gerund is a verbal phrase, but I think it sounds kind of like a type of bird, and we were talking about grammar, so, you know, it makes sense."

"Mmmm…No, it still doesn't." I laugh.

I get through English class and the rest of the day okay, taking one moment at a time, but despite myself, still dreading the ring of last period's bell. Because I know what is coming after that. The last few lines of Eli's note repeat in my head.

_Today, after school._

_Love,_

_Eli_

I don't want to think about what that one little word meant right now. _Love. _

But as always, the last period bell does come. I pick up my bag and leave the classroom, feeling as if everyone is watching me; as if at any moment something scary might pop out at me.

Drew is supposed to drive me home after school, so I wait at the usual spot by the steps for him and Adam. As usual, they show up, and I feel silly for expecting anything other than that.

"Hey Clare, you don't look so good," Adam says.

"Yeah, really Clare, I knew you were pale, but your headed towards vampire territory," Drew says, examining my face.

"I'm fine guys, just…pregnant, remember?" I say, but I know that the real reason I'm flushed is because I'm nervous and because my heart is beating at a rate much higher than what is normal.

"I thought you were supposed to glow during pregnancy, not look sick."

"I guess every woman's different. I'm fine guys, let's go."

All I want to do is get out of here. I want to go where I can hide. And I guess now I'm back to avoiding. There goes my resolve. I sigh and when neither of the boys starts moving towards Drew's truck I strut in front of them, refusing to look back to see if Eli's there. I just need to focus on getting to the truck and getting home.

"Clare!" I hear his voice.

_Dammit._

I don't think then, but I begin to sprint towards the truck. My one refuge. If only…

But it's too late. I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Please Clare, stop running."

"I don't want to do this, Eli. Let me go." I try to walk past him, but he blocks me with his body, placing both hands firmly on my shoulders.

"I know you don't, Clare, but you need to. Please. Just talk to me," He says, his face inches from mine. I am forced to look into his eyes now. Those beautiful eyes that I'd been hiding from for so long…._uggh, God!_ I couldn't do this. I couldn't give into him already.

I look away from his eyes quickly and see Drew and Adam running towards us.

"Hey!" Drew shouts, "Get away from her,"

"This is between me and Clare," Eli says calmly.

"Eli, stop, she obviously doesn't want to speak to you," Adam says, halting before us.

"She has to. This is something that needs to be done, Adam."

"Not on my watch," Drew says, "the lady doesn't go anywhere she doesn't want to."

"Eli let her go. Let us take her home," Adam says.

"This isn't up to you, Adam"

I stand there unmoving, unspeaking, as my fate is debated. Watching as if this isn't me standing here with this weight on my shoulders and the weight in my core. This isn't me who got pregnant. This isn't me who is scared to face what needs to be faced.

"Everyone, stop!" I yell, and to my surprise, they all listen. All three pairs of eyes and three pairs of ears are on me. "This is what is going to happen. Eli, you and I are going to go away from here. You're right. We need to talk. Adam and Drew, you will go home, and if I need you for anything at all, I will call you, okay?" I look now directly at Eli, who still has his hands on my shoulders, and take a deep breath, "all right. Let's go."

He doesn't say anything, but removes his hands from my shoulders and begins to walk towards Morty. I follow him, staring at the back of his red jacket.


	11. Red: Part 2

**Author's Note:** Hey Hey Hey...it's Catherine and Cat bringing straight to you Red Part 2...you excited...I know we are!

**Disclamer:** We own the full box set of Gilmore Girls on DVD, however we do not own Degrassi or it's characters

_Chapter 11: Red Part 2_

We walk to Morty and I get into the seat as Eli begins to drive. Silence. Neither of us speaks, the only sounds are that of our breathing which is unbelievably in sync.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"My place. We need a place to talk that's quiet." he replies his hands tightening on the ten and two spots on the steering wheel.

I sigh. His place. Quiet. That's what got us into this in the first place. We were at his house alone, and then that's what I'm living the repercussions of right now. I breath in and out, trying to make my breath out of sync with his, but I can't. However shallow or fast or slow I breathe his breath is the same beat. _Dammit_. I need to be separated from him. To be a whole entity unto myself. I can't have _anything_ to do with him. But, then again, I am having _his_ baby. He pulls into his driveway and we get out. He unlocks the front door and we head up the stairs to his room. He shuts the door behind us.

"Clare, I don't get this." he sighs, his red jacket moving up and down with his breathing.

"Get _what_ Eli? Is it my _twisted_ Catholic upbringing again? Or is it the fact I want _nothing_ to do with you? Oh, maybe it's the fact I'm keeping the baby that _you_ helped _me_ create!" I burst. The beautiful green orbs widen and stare at me. I have never snapped at anyone before. Not like this at least. Hormones. That's why I snapped. No, it's not the pent up anger I have for him. No, it can't be, that anger unwillingly dissolved when I saw him in the parking lot. When his green eyes met my blue ones.

"All of the above." he states coolly, "Why do you avoid me at school?"

"Wow, maybe it's because you didn't want this baby! Maybe because you sicken my to the point that I want to hate you…" _but I can't because I love you. _I add in my thoughts. "Or maybe it's because you were the one thing in my life keeping me together. The one good thing that was keeping me sane. The glue of my foundations. And when the time came for you to really step up you bailed Eli. You bailed on me and that's why I've been avoiding you. You bailed on me; on our relationship, and our future."

"Clare, you know as well as I do that I'd make a horrible father. You've witnessed my lowest points. You've seen me at my worst and at my best. I…I just can't think about being a dad right now. All that responsibility. Another person for me to lose. No!"

"You've made yourself lose. You made you leave me…and," he's going to hate me for this…"and, you caused Julia to ride off that night. You're the reason you lose everything you care about."

"What, take that back Clare. That…that isn't true."

"Of course it is Eli…you've caused this pain in your life. You, you, you! And the only person who can straighten you out is you. Before you even think about stepping near me again you need to get yourself out of this hole that you dug. You need to get your life straightened out, before you even think to come near me…and my baby…ever again." Tears are silently falling down my cheeks and I resist the urge to wipe them away.

"'Cause you're perfect, huh? You can go to school and raise a child, and live in your Christian world of yours without fault. Sure, because it's all my fault. I guilted you into having sex with me. Think the way your parents want you too. Not the way you know you want to. Go ahead."

"No Eli. I resent that. I know I'm not perfect, and I know that raising this child is going to be hard and tiring and troublesome but at least I have the balls to try! You however are acting like you don't have anything to do with me or this baby growing inside of me. You act like you're Mr. Innocent, and you did nothing. Well, let's see Eli, you did something. You got me pregnant! We may have had sex and we may have used a condom, but you should have known if it broke or was expired or something was defective with it. You should have known!"

"Sure Clare, blame me….not like you didn't do anything."

"Eli…That's, that's not what I'm saying. I know. I was an equal participant, but…didn't you pay any attention in health? Always check the condom before you put it on. Check the expiration date. Check the lubrication to make sure it didn't dry up. Check to make sure there are no holes! And, if you think the condom is defective then don't use it!"

"You don't think I didn't double and triple check the damn condom? I did. Clare, it wasn't expired. It wasn't dried up. It didn't have any holes. God, I'm not that stupid."

"Eli…I didn't say you are." I know my eyes will be red with these tears when I wake up tomorrow morning. I know because whenever I cry my eyes get bloodshot and red. And the red on the white of my eyes clearly stands out from the peach of my skin.

"No, but that's what you were thinking. Clare, I know you, probably better than you know yourself. I know you think I was stupid and didn't check the condom."

"God…Eli…if you'd listen to me then you'd hear me! I don't think your stupid. You're one of the smartest guys I know, but…"

He cuts me off, "Save it Clare. You don't want to be with me anymore. That's your problem."

"Wh-what?" I stutter.

"Goodbye Clare."

I walk out of his room and hear the door slam shut behind me. The sound rings in my ears for the few moments I stand there trying to collect myself.

_Was I just dumped?_ Impossible, we'd already broken up.

I walk down the staircase and cry on my way out. When I get outside I see Cece getting the mail out of the mailbox. Her red nail polished hands enclose the four letters in her hands.

"Hello Clare. It feels like forever since I last saw you," she pauses when she notices I'm crying, "what's wrong darling? Is it school? Stress?"

"No…it's nothing." I smile to her and walk away. Once I get about three blocks from Eli's house I sit down on a green bench and pull out my phone.

The person picks up within two rings, "Hello."

"Drew? Could you…could you come pick me up?"

"What's wrong Clare? Are you okay? Did Eli hurt you?"

I watch as a bike rider passes by me on a red bike. He smiles to me before he bikes off. My voice quivers as a sob comes out, "Please. I'm at a buss stop by Eli's house. Please."

**AN:** What did you think? OMFG who here watched the NEW degrassi last night! AGH it was AWESOME

xoxoxo Catherine and Cat


	12. Drama

**Author's Note:** Here is the next chapter…it's five weeks after the last chapter…we're speeding time up a little bit…and once again it has Eli in it! (and a guest appearance by a special someone…)

**Disclaimer:** Degrassi does not belong to me and it never ever in a million years will!

It has been eight weeks now since I found out that I was pregnant, but it feels like it's been much more. Before now I didn't know how much a life could change in that amount of time; how much one decision could affect the course of a person's life. I didn't know how much I could change.

I look at myself in the full length mirror before I step into the shower. When I turn to the side my silhouette has a small bump in the center where it used to be completely flat. No one in school knows yet except for Adam, Drew, Principal Simpson, a few of my teachers, and, well…Eli. I want it to stay that way. I want to stay anonymous and be able to take my own journey in silence. Soon I won't be able to camouflage my little bump with flowy tops and lose pants. Everyone will know and everyone will talk and I won't be able to do anything about it. I face forward so that I can't see the evidence any longer and I step into the shower, turning the water on so it's as hot as I can bear it. I let it beat down on my skin hard, and I find myself lingering in the shower for much longer than I was supposed to.

"Clare?" I hear Adam beating on the door, "Did you die in there?"

"Yeah, really Clare, the rest of us have to get ready for school too you know, you're not an only child anymore!" Drew shouts through the closed door."

"I'll be out in minute guys!" I turn of the water and get dressed, only to realize that the skinny jeans I had picked out no longer fit me. _Damn. _I walk out of the bathroom with a towel tucked under my arms.

"Bow chicka wow wow," Drew teases and Adam laughs.

"Shut up guys, you won't even be able to joke like that when my belly's out to here."

I get to school and my home room teacher gives me my new schedule. It's the start of a new semester. I note that I have third period drama added to my schedule. That should be interesting. I was always more of a behind the scenes person than an on stage person. Well, there was a first time for everything.

My first two periods go by relatively smoothly, and when third period roles around I walk to the theater, not knowing what to expect. Adam's sitting in the second row and I go to sit by him.

"Hey, you're in this class too?" I say dropping my bag on the ground and plopping down in the seat.

"Yeah, we can endure this together."

"I'm sure it won't be _that_ bad. Drama can be kind of fun. Remember when…" but I trail off, remembering that I wasn't going to mention he-who-must-not-be-named, or our first kiss during a certain English assignment.

"Hello class," a good-looking teacher who looks like he's about in his early-mid-twenties enters the room carrying a leather briefcase. It takes me a few moments, but I recognize him. He's Marco; One of Darcy and Spinner's friends from when they went to Degrassi. I met him once when I was at the Dot with Darcy. He's nice. I wonder if he remembers me. He goes to sit on the edge of the stage and places his briefcase down beside him. "I'm Mr. Del Rossi, but here in the theatre, we choose to address each other by our first names. We find it to be more personal, and in this class, we want your experience to be as personal as possible, so you can call me Marco…okay, let's take attendance"

He calls out names and we all dutifully respond. My heart stops when he gets to a particular name.

"Elijah Goldsworthy? Elijah? Not here."

"I prefer Eli," I hear his voice from the back of the theatre and fight the urge to whip my head around and look at him.

"Well Eli, I expect that you have a good reason for being tardy on our first day of class," Marco says.

"I believe that honesty is the best policy, so no, I really don't," I hear him getting closer, but keep my eyes fixed right on Marco.

"Hmm…" he seems to consider, "well I'll let this one slide, but don't get the impression that I'm an easy teacher. If it happens again I will lay down the law."

"Of course Mr.…"

"Marco,"

"Mr. Marco," I hear his voice get even closer and stiffen when I smell his scent and see a flash of black out of my peripheral vision.

"Just Marco."

"Just Marco," Eli's sitting next to me now and he whispers in my ear, "how exactly does he expect us to take him seriously if we're calling him by his first name?"

I don't respond.

I don't move.

I keep my eyes focused ahead.

Marco continues to talk, but no matter how hard I try, I can't listen. No matter how hard I try, I can't focus on anything but the scent of the father of my child. And his breathing. And the blur of him I see out of the corner of my eye. He whispers words in my ear, low enough so that only I can hear and no matter how hard I try I can't do anything but listen; can't hear anything but him.

"How've you been Clare?"

_Don't pay attention to him._

"I've missed you"

_Just focus on the teacher. What exactly is he saying?_

"I bet you've missed me too."

_Go away Eli._

"Clare?"

_Yes?_

"I know you're not responding…"

_That's right, I'm not responding._

"But I love you."

_I love you too, Eli._

"Okay class, time to get your Drama partners. You will work together on this assignment and I will judge based on your performance whether or not you will be working together on the next one." Marco finishes speaking and I realize that I didn't listen to a single word he said.

"Adam," I turn to him, "Partner?"

"Didn't you hear? Partners are assigned."

"Adam Torres, you will be working with Dave Turner…" he continues reading out the list and I hold my breath when I hear my name.

"Clare Edwards…"

_Please not him._

"Elijah-sorry—Eli Goldworthy."

_Damn._

"I guess now we'll have plenty of time to talk," He says and I finally turn to face him. He's smirking. And he looks gorgeous.

_No, Clare, remember, he wants to _kill_ your baby._

He's green eyes seem to glow, beckoning me back to him.

_Don't go there, Clare._

His hair is tussled just the way I like it.

_Stop, Clare!_

He looks so perfect. Like _my_ Eli.

_Pull it together! Remember who this is!_

His smirk turns to a smile; sweet and loving, and for a moment, I forget everything.

"I guess we do,"

**A/N**: Foreshadowing? I think yes! Anyway, hope you liked it. Please review!


	13. No One

**Author's Note: hey there...here's chapter 13...first baby appointment! YAY**

**Disclamer: We do not own Degrassi or its characters...or the lyrics to No One by Alli and AJ**

_Chapter 13: No One_

Why does every teacher pair me and Eli together? I groan and walk up to Marco. Maybe he'll let me switch. When I get over to him he's immersed in papers.

"Ahem." I say. He looks up and smiles.

"Yes Miss…"

"Edwards." I smile. "I was wondering if I could switch partners."

He sighs, "I hear from your English teacher, Mrs. Dawes, that you and Mr. Goldsworthy worked very well together last year."

"But…see, we already worked in English together. Please."

"I'm sorry, but I assign the partners."

"But…Marco." I whine.

He eyes me for a moment, "Are you related to Darcy Edwards?"

"She's my sister." I reply.

"I met you once."

"Yes. At the Dot." I smile.

"I remember you."

"Does that mean?"

He shakes his head, "Got in trouble once for making an exception. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

"But…please. If you only knew…"

"If I only knew what, Clare?"

I shake my head. I can't tell him this. "Nothing."

"Well, then I'm sure you can get over it and work with Mr. Goldsworthy, can you not?"

I sigh, "Fine." I groan. I turn around and add under my breath, "Except this isn't something I can get over easily…"

I walk back to where Eli sits just as the bell rings. He stands up and his body is nearly a centimeter from mine.

"Meet here at the end of school?" he asks.

I nod. What else do I have to do?

"Ready for Physics?" Adam asks.

"No." I groan as we walk out of the classroom.

The day goes by fast. So fast in fact that I don't recognize when the last bell of the day rings. Is the day really already over? Shit! I have to meet with Eli. I run out of Mr. Perino's classroom, pack up quickly and walk to the auditorium.

"Took you long enough." Eli's calls from the stage. I drop my bag down on the end seat in the first row and walk up onto the stage so that I'm face to face with Eli. His scent reaches me and I can feel my legs wobble. His green eyes lock with my blue ones and I fight the urge to run into his arms and sob. I stop by thinking that I am pregnant. This is the person who wants to murder my child. This is the one who, though he loves me, wants no part of this child.

"Sorry. My mind was other places." I say.

"So what should our skit be about?" he asks.

"Skit?" I ask.

"You really didn't pay attention in class, did you?"

"Sorry. I was a bit too annoyed by this voice whispering in my ear…"

"You should see a therapist about those voices." he smirks.

"Shut up Eli. Can we just work?" I ask

My phone vibrates. I pull it out. One new text: From _Drew_

_Clare? Hello? Adam and I are in the parking lot! You have the first doctor's appointment today!_

"Fuck." I mumble under my breath. I turn to Eli, "I…I have to go."

"What? Why?" he asks.

"None of your damn business." I stomp off the stage, grab my bag and walk out the school.

"Clare? Where were you?" Drew asks when I hop into his truck.

"I started working with Eli on our drama skit." I reply.

"Fun. How's that going?" Adam asks.

"Just peachy." and Drew begins the drive to the obstetricians office.

When we get there I go and sign in. We wait in the reception area until a nurse walks to us.

"Clare Edwards." I stand up with Drew and Adam. She gestures for us to follow her and we walk into the back room. "I'm going to need to take some blood."

"I hate blood." I turn my head to face Drew and Adam as she sticks the needle in my arm.

"And I thought you liked vampires." Drew smirks.

"Blood creeps me out." I reply.

"Well, Dr. Williams will be in with the results in a few minutes. Here's a cotton ball for the blood."

I push down on my arm to stop the bleeding.

"Are you okay Clare?" Adam comes to my side.

I nod, "Just a little tired."

"Well, wait until you have this kid running around. Hi, I'm Doctor Gwen Williams." she walks in and shakes my hand. Her long brown hair is back in a pony tail, and her hazel eyes have a slight pink tint. I'm glad that my doctor is a girl.

"Clare Edwards. Oh, and this is Adam and Drew Torres." I smile.

"Which one of you is the father?" she asks looking to them.

Adam and Drew look to each other and laugh.

"Neither. The father is…um…not in the picture." I reply.

"Well, it must be hard to deal with this alone." she says as she checks my blood pressure.

"It is." I reply.

She leans against the counter across from the exam table where I sit, "So, Clare, what have you been doing to make your baby as healthy as it can be?"

"I've been eating a more balanced diet. And I've been taking folic acid."

"That's a good start. Along with eating a balanced diet you have to make sure not to miss a meal. And you have to take your other daily vitamins. You shouldn't drink or smoke…or anything illegal. That goes for when you aren't pregnant too, I mean you're only sixteen, right?"

"Yeah." I reply.

"So…in two weeks you'll come back and we'll have the first sonogram. Then we can not only see your baby, but we can hear it's heartbeat and determine the sex."

"Really? This early?" I ask.

"Technology has advanced a lot in the years." she laughs.

"Well…are we done for today?" I ask.

"Yes. Go to the nurse at the desk and make an appointment for two weeks from now."

"Thank you." Adam, Drew, and I say as we exit the office. I make an appointment for two weeks from today.

"Let's go home." Drew says. I nod and we all head into the car.

I put the radio on. A song from a few years ago is just starting.

_I am moving through the crowd_

_Trying to find myself_

_Feel like a guitar that's never played_

_Will someone strum away?_

_And I ask myself_

_Who do I wanna be?_

_Do I wanna throw away the key?_

_and invent a whole new me_

_and I tell myself_

_No One, No One_

_Don't wanna be_

_No One_

_But me.._

_You are moving through the crowd_

_Trying to find yourself_

_Feelin' like a doll left on a shelf_

_Will someone take you down?_

I used to love this song. The meaning behind the words. I feel like this is "my song". Or, that it should be. I mean I feel like the world is passing me by. That even though it's been mere weeks it feels like time has moved years ahead and I'm stuck in the past. I smile because even if I am years behind, I am going to have a baby. Even if I have no one now in twenty weeks I will have someone: A new baby.

**Author's Note: Well...what did you think**

**review**

**u know u want to...just press the button down there**

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**xoxoxoxoxoxo Catherine and Cat**


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